Every so often news cycles throw up stories that seem as if they have been pasted from the "quirky" section in light hearted magazines. A horse that thinks it's a dog, a man getting stuck to a toilet, strangely themed weddings- all are staples of the strange news pages. Instead of being left there this week for light relief it looks as though someone has decided to place them front and centre to offer escapism from the tales of economic woe.
If you change the names and get to the very heart of the stories they act as weirdly compressed archetypes of trivial news. The headlines themselves read like those from hilarious satirical website The Onion the writers of which specialise in creating the strange stories that genuine news outlets can only dream of. So here they are ridiculous and resplendent in their all their mental glories.
This is great story on it's own but when you add to the mix that the man in question is Home Secretary Jaqui Smith's Husband you have a more serious commentary on the exploitative Parliamentary climate during a time of economic meltdown. It has been reported with almost mock sincerity, given how unbelievable it is, by most places including the Beeb who stated brilliantly that: "Ms Smith was not at home when they were viewed". Something that has also been lost somewhat under the porno revelations is the fact that Smith's husband also watched Oceans 11 twice and animated kids film Surfs Up (chronicling the life of a surfing penguin) on MP expenses. Was the Home Secretary out of the house then as well allowing her husband to indulge in the surreptitious watching of kids films? I think she should argue that the films were used for research purposes- after all Oceans 11 does detail the exploits of a bunch of egotistical men fooling everyone to get away with a shit load of everyone else's money, a perfect metaphor for the credit crunch that Smith an GB are "saving the world" from.
I genuinely did not make this up. A Facebook group has been established to start a campaign against the Pope by sending him "millions" of condoms after comments about their relation to the African aids epidemic. Again a farce with a serious core after the Hitler Youth Alumni said some hideously ill conceived, as well as totally untrue things, about a subject that is nothing to do with him. The response however is pure comedy gold and I really hope through some miraculous alignment of the fates a celibacy advocating catholic youth group turn up at the Vatican for a pilgrimage only to see truckloads of condoms with the Pope's face being unload near St Peters basilica.
3] Perennial Loser beats record breaking champion in F1 after his team forget to make him a good car
Ah Jenson Button. Lauded by a press starved of acheivement in motor racing when he managed a couple of podium finishes, reviled when his startling underacheivement was highlighted by someone better. But now it seems the tables have turned and right is wrong and wrong is right in F1 as if in some sporting parody of a Shakespearean tragedy. The King has been usurped in Lewis Hamilton and replaced by an unlikely sucessor driving for a ridiculously named team (that is also a dream for headline writers; Brawn triumphs over... must have been used loads already). The beleif is that Mclaren focused so strongly on getting Hamilton the best car for last year that they didn't do to much planning this year. They must be contenders for any best sporting acumen prizes along with Dwain Chambers and OJ Simpson.
So that was the week that was. Well not really (The G20 story is a pretty big one to miss), but they are all the stories which can be turned into funny headlines. Farcical, trivial and annoying in equal measure they act as a reminder of how mental the world we live in is- bring back the credit crunch based news, its almost more enjoyable.
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